About Me
My background
Hello! I am Tiffay. I am: a Texan, daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, neighbor, dancer, painter, a mom of 3 incredibles, and a suicide survivor.
I started painting as a kid, and I studied art at Southwest Texas in San Marcos, TX.
Growing UP
My childhood took place on a cul-de-sac in the 'burbs, riding bikes, swimming, playing outside all day with friends in the neighbordood. However, family life became dark and dysfunctional, riddled with divorce, abuse, and my mom's depression. My life was tragically changed forever the summer of 1986, when my mom chose suicide. My mom was the reason I painted, and with the death of my mom went my joy for painting.
My journey
For years I didn't talk about my mom's suicide, acting like it didn't happen.
I graduated college, married, moved to Seattle, and had my first daughter.
I found myself betrayed, depressed, and in the same painful space that my mom was in., during my 30's.
Instead of following my mom’s path of suicide, I chose to find help and begin a lifelong journey of healing.
A few secrets I learned along the way: Talk about it!
It wasn't my fault. I am responsible for making myself happy.
I am worthy, loved by many, and I matter.
I am part of a grand legacy!
My goal is to promote suicide awareness and inspire others to practice self love and find their true purpose; letting their soul shine brighter!
For My Mom
JANE CAROL RABBITT
...born in October of 1945, a Scorpio, and she was a little spicy (just like a Scorpio). She was the youngest of 4, from the northeast coast.
Her siblings were an oldest half-brother Milford, older brother James, and older sister Ann (Aunt Tutu). Later, my Nana moved the family to the thriving metropolis of Houston, Texas.
JANE CAROL RABBITT BROWNLEE BELISCH…
There my mom met her high school sweetheart, my dad, and they soon got married. At 20, my mom became a mother and had me, and my sister followed 5 years later. She was a working mom, loved to paint, dance, and she loved Christmas. In her late 30s she found herself betrayed, divorced, unemployed, and depressed. She had remarried, but she was caught in a downward spiral. No one knew the darkness that started taking over her.
If I could change the ending of her story...
She was in pain and she turned to pills as she went into a deep depression. There were a handful of attempts to end her life, with suicide notes crying out for help. Yet as we tried to help her, things continued to get worse.
I wish I could go back in time to that summer day in July.
I was home from college, and I went by to visit her. She looked tired, smeared mascara, hair slick, wearing a dark suede purple robe. We made plans to spend the next day together with her and my sister.
But that day she decided to end her life, choosing a method that there was no return. She copied the same way that her oldest half-brother Milford had ended his life, 10 years prior. She didn’t leave a note. She didn’t say goodbye. She never got to meet her grandchildren.
36 years have passed. I wish I could change the end of her story.
stay; Beautiful girl
Stay; Beautiful Girl is a poem that I wrote describing the anguish that I felt from both my mom's suicide and my journey through healing. I have blended one of my paintings in the background. This piece portrays both the dark and light, the breakdown, the breakthrough.
Beautiful Girl; Full of hope, love, and light;
A Young woman, wife, mother
Suffers ~ anguish ~ Pain, Loses hope ~ Cries ~ Cuts off
Her daughter reaches for her, Mommy stay, I need you, I love you…
But she turns in ~ Ends her story, Loses her hope, love, and light
Her daughter screams – NOOOOOOOOO
Why did you leave?
She is a beautiful girl; Full of hope, love, and light
Becomes a young woman, wife, mother
Suffers, anguish, pain, Loses hope, Cries ~ Cuts off
Her daughter reaches out to her
Mommy stay, I love you, I need you
And she sees her – reaches out ~ Continues her story
Finds her hope, love, and light,
She and Her daughter laugh and cry together
This Beautiful Girl, She Stays;
Tiffany
Stay for your breakthrough, the blessings are there.
(Limited Prints Available 8 x 10 $200)
Rose de l'Amour ~ $1,200 (SOLD)
Rose de l'Amour is a very rare drawing that I drew right after my mom had passed. She loved sunsets and roses. To this day I am stunned by how much my heart still hurts missing her, reading my emotions poured into the poem. I drew this for myself and it has sat hidden in a portfolio for years. Now it is time to shine bright!
May this drawing remind you that you matter and you are loved.
I pray you continue your story.
(Original Pastel Drawing 16"x20" Sold! Limited Prints Available)
In Loving Memory
Mom & Buddy (Step dad)
Milford giving my mom away
Milford giving my mom away
Jane Belisch 10/25/1945 - 7/19/1986
Milford giving my mom away
Milford giving my mom away
Milford giving my mom away
Milford Decker 12/2/1925 - 12/13/1977